A Difference

Have you ever wanted to make a difference any way you can? Or wanted to change something no matter what you lost in the process?

I don't think many people do now a days. And if they do they don't act on it. I've been doing a lot of reading lately, from Greek Mythology to James Patterson's Maximum ride, and in every story someone is doing something that changes everything. 

I know I can't talk to much cause I've not made a big dint in this world, but I know I have made a dint none the less. I also know that even though I knew that many wouldn't like my choices or opinions, including some in my family, I kept doing what I believed in because I wanted to make a difference. I also made a point to try and change something in someone else's life, make a difference to them so that they can turn around and make a difference in another's life.

I don't know why today's world has stopped doing things for the reason of just wanting to make things better for everyone else, but I wish it'd go back to the days of history. The days of standing up against the power and doing whatever it took no matter the cost.

I don't know maybe it's just me. Anyways I gotta go for now. See ya'll.

Ain't it Sad

I don't know why but I felt like writing this.

I think its sad I've been out of normal school for almost three months now and only one of my friends from school have tried to get in contact with me. Thank god for Mike.

Now my friends Nicolette and Freddy gave me hugs and always say hi whenever I'm on school property (twice) and they see me. My friend Issac did once too since my prolonged absence.

But I do have many friends that know where I live and my phone number and none of them call, text, write, stop by, or anything. I feel like they really don't give two shits about me after all I've been through with them and all I've done for them. Now I'd understand if I left after pissing them off or if they didn't know any of my contact information, but still.

This fact actually made me cry many times in the past month, since I've been in the hospital and all. I posted I was in the hospital and no one asked why or came to see me. And even now, though I have talked to maybe three, it was because I was online and wrote them first. And they still didn't ask what was wrong or if I needed someone or anything.

I know I'm a teenager and friends come and go, but I didn't think they left all at once over something so stupid as me being sick out of school for a long time. It's not like I moved to another state.

Oh my friends Micheal and Nicole also talked to me on their own, when I ran into them.

God I'm sad now.

Changing my lifestyle..... Again

So I'm use to changing small things in my life for my health, like cutting out tons of any milk products, but this newest changes, well changes, is hard cause its literally things I've done all my life.
I found out the I have a mild case of degenerative disc disease. Now I have to do simple exercises every day, which takes about a half hour. Not to bad. I also can not bend over to pick anything up, and hardest is learning not to slouch. And yes that is hard. I've always slouched when eating or just relaxing or sitting in class. I bet you do the same thing.
These things may seem small separately, but when you add them on to everything else it really makes you want to cry. Or at least they make me want to cry.
On top of all this I'm missing out on my senior year. I'm actually never going back to class in my school. Instead I'm taking teleclasses because we just can't take the chance of me misses school and not graduating. Which just makes the other thing I found out at the hospital more pronounced. I have depression. And it shows a lot... And at the most random moments.
I'm not really here to complain I just wanted to update this. Today is my love's birthday and we had just gotten home from the movie Red Riding Hood. It was amazing.
Yesterday I made a beautiful cake for my love.
I feel bad for him. I feel like he got the short end and got the broken girlfriend. But he loves me and we're happy. But he's been changing his life too to try and make it easier for me.
Well that's about it for now. Be safe everyone. Bye.  

Just Another Day

So to give you guys a back story, I have been in and out of doctor's offices and hospitals for about eleven years and no one has figured out what is wrong with me. I am now 18, so a good portion of my life has been spent ill. Now I'm not always sick, though it seems like it now a days.

Right now I'm sitting in a hospital bed waiting on test results. They are now testing me to see if there is anything wrong with my brain or nervous system. The newest theory in a long line of theories is that I might have MS.

This morning they took me in for an MRI and about 30 minutes into it my chest started to hurt, not to badly but enough to make me tell them. They got me out and once I was sitting I started to shake and breathing strangely. They rushed me back to my room and hooked me up to heart monitors. Sounds fun right?

Anyways after all my vitals were cleared I kinda passed out and now we are up to date. I am mainly writing this because I think it'll be a good way to vent and also maybe it'll help... somehow....

Anyways I'm gone. I'll write more later sometime.