Growing Up Craziness

As I've stated before I have been moved out of my mom's for a while now. But I have been living with my love and his mom, grandma, and his two younger siblings. Me and him share a room big enough to fit a young child comfortably. I have all my things from my mom's (which could fill a house on their own) plus some of his things, a large desk, a vanity, a dresser, a bookshelf, and about 5+ medium to large boxes. So we have been looking for a nice place to move into to finally finish the "coming of age" transition.

Now I have been looking like crazy but here are the facts. My love works at Denny's part-time and is going to college full-time. I am currently unemployed due to medical reasons and frantically looking for a job that doesn't require heavy lifting or too much manual labor. When we move out I will have to take me cat back from my mom. I will be starting college full-time in the Fall. And on top of all this we don't have a car.

We decided we'll get a car last seeming it'll be cheaper to just ride bikes to and fro school and all. But seriously! If I know being even 18 was this much work I'd never want to grow up when I was little. "I'm going to be a farmer mommy!" Yay right. I can hardly afford one cat. And they take care of themselves for the most part.

Yep tis the life. I guess once we're finally on our own things will fall into place for me. Maybe then I'll remember why I couldn't wait to grow up.

Space & Time Travel

Sweet Goddess

Based off my gaia avatar 

Beach and Art

I actually forgot how much I love the beach. Me and Roger went there today and just got back. It feels nice to just relax and have fun. Usually when I go out somewhere I have to deal with my friends' drama. So now I think I'm going to go to the beach once a week with Roger just to unwind.

Of course from now on I'm going to pack food, an umbrella, and somethings to help me with sand sculptures. Maybe I'll post a few of my sculptures on here. Sound good? Anyways...

Other than just rambling about the beach I also want to post some more of my art below

Ain't it lovely. I did this while I was staying with my dad about a month ago. But I thought it'd be nice to get it up and seen again.

And now life begins

So yesterday was full of every emotion I can think of. I felt weird to be sitting on Cocoa High's football field listening to my classmates talk about high school life being over. I guess it just didn't hit me fully until I was holding that diploma and throwing my cap in the air.

My mom has been waiting for yesterday for a long time now, but when she saw me afterwards she said she wish she could take it back. Now I haven't lived with her for seven months now and I don't ask her for help that much, but I can tell she wasn't ready for the final string to be cut. I love my mom dearly and I know she worries about me. But hey I'm out of high school now and getting ready for the real life to begin. Me and my love are looking for our own car and planning on moving out of his mom's house soon. I'm looking for a new job and working on my physical therapy.

Time really doesn't wait, yesterday went by to fast. I'm no longer a senior or a little high schooler. I'm not the child I was yesterday, but I haven't really changed either. Life has continued and changed and begun again and I'm still the same. Except I'm not the me from yesterday and the past four years. Wow, it's really hitting me hard.

Graduation!!!

I'm writing this in the morning because I'm not sure if I'll have time later tonight. But I'm graduating today and sitting here listening to to graduation music is moving me to tears.

It only seems like last year that I was getting into high school and still dealing with the pity drama of high school life. I can't believe that four years have gone by already. Me and my friends are all close enough that I'm not worried about never seeing them again, but it still feels weird knowing we're no longer walking he same path. I feel like I'm sitting in the back seat while all my friends are driving and enjoying their lives. I know that I am well on my own path and that I have been for awhile, it was just comforting knowing that up till today all my friends' were parallel to mine.

I have to thank some people more than others right now. Because no matter how I look at it, they helped me be me more than anyone else. Like Niccolette who made me join drama and helped me find Roger, my love, and realize that I truly do love threatre. Yes that is a way of spelling it, just an old way. I also have to thank Kat, Mike, and Beans. Those three have stood next to me through so much and were some of the only shoulders I ever cried on. Mike also let me know that I'm allowed to be weak and that I wasn't alone. Kat kept me smiling when I just wanted to give in. She really made it easier to get by with life. And Beans showed me a fun side to everything. My friends Lizzy and Michelle called me "mommy" and gave me people to protect and carry on for through the hard days at school.

And I know both Amber and Morgan have moved away (for now) but these two are truly my two best friends (Mike is too). Amber has been my friend since we were babies and she's like a sister to me. I could always turn to her and always knew that if I really needed her she'd be there, even if there is states away and through a phone. It was hard watching her move right before I entered high school because I thought I couldn't make it through without her. She made me strong, and brave, and willing to fight for myself. She would protect me when I was weak and push me out in front when she knew I could be strong. She means everything to me. And I'm glad I never lost her.

Morgan became my best friend this school year. Me and her should be twins with how much we're alike. She became my right hand girl and I felt like she could be just like Amber. I was right. In her own way though, Morgan gave me the strength to do things that I wouldn't have done without her beside me. I know I act like I'm tough and bitchy a lot but It's only because I have someone like Morgan there to tell me I'm not wrong to do so every once in awhile.

I am who I am today because of those friends I made in high school. And like the Wicked song says
"Who can say if I've been changed for the better, because of you I have been changed for good." And believe me it was for the better. Thank you everyone. I love you all and will miss you as we make our way in this world. I'll never forget you all.

~ Hollie

My Art

This won't be too long. My love just told me I should post my art on here so I thought I would.

I drew this for someone on www.gaiaonline.com 

And so I missed it all... almost

Well since being in the hospital and all i haven't gone back to school. Instead I spent my whole senior year of high school in my room, taking classes over the phone. I missed my class picture, grad bash (if that's even happened yet), and who knows what else. But thankfully I didn't miss my prom. I wore a beautiful dress that Roger's grandma made for for me and a necklace that my mom let me used and enjoyed every second of it. I even went to he beach with Roger and two of my friends, Mike and Beans, and goofed off for about a half hour. Then we got free pizza and hung outside Mikes place till about 2 in the morning. It was great, but it makes me sad to think that's the only senior memory I have. I've been dreaming of my senior year since I entered high school and I can tell you now, all those adults who say these are the best years of our lives... well I hope they're wrong. Cause if these are the best years I'd hate to grow up.

This Saturday is my graduation. I worked hard to make it this far and it feels great that at least my health didn't stop me from that.

On a happier note I found a playscript I wrote for a drama competition at the beginning of the school year and am thinking  of seeing if my friends would act it out and put it up on youtube. So watch out for that in one of my later posts. It might turn into a series.

Well I'll write more later. Bye