Lately I've had all up beat updates and that's a good thing. But sadly that is not my life. Happy is the face I put to keep those around me happy. Lately I have been feeling more of my own limits and it doesn't feel good. It's almost Christmas and all I can think of is that I wasn't able to contribute in paying for any of the gifts Roger and I bought for our families. I did make things for my nieces, but that was it.

And today Roger's little sister told us how his mom was talking about us, saying that she can't wait til we know what it's like to deal with real life and pay bills. I can't help but think this is my fault. Maybe if my back was alright and maybe if I wasn't always sick some one would hire me and we could pay for bills and move out. But I do have a bad back and I am always sick and no one wants someone who is always sick as an employee.

Roger tries to comfort me, but let's face it, when you're downing yourself no matter what people say it just makes things worse. And it's not them. It's just that you don't know how to be happy with yourself at this point.

I'll get over it and by tomorrow I'll be smiling again. I guess I'll head to bed now. Good night. And have a very Merry Christmas and holiday season.