I'm not going to give up, because its to hard the way that I am. But right now I wish I could. I wish I could say fuck it to everything.
Haven't slept all night. Why? Pain. I was fine most the time at my friend's campfire party. Was actually really tired there to. Got home couldn't sleep. About 2:30 started shacking, having pains, and hyperventilating. Can't go to the hospital, I'm already in debt. Pain killers aren't helping.
If you can't tell I'm snippy right now.
Been watching my love sleep most the night. Wish I could. He looked so peaceful till I woke him up. I feel so selfish now. I don't understand why he isn't mad at me for waking him up. Feel like the world hates me. I thought I was getting better. Thought that things were going to get better. My love made it feel that way...
Nope... It was just waiting for me to lower my guard. Hate this. I feel so pissy right now and I know it is not rational at all. Just tired and in pain.
Does any of this even make sense? It does in my head.... I think.....
Don't know what else to write. My love is reading over my shoulder so I guess it doesn't matter anyways. Seeming I don't have private thoughts I wrote all this here. Don't have a dairy or journal now a days. Everyone would just read those anyways... Any how bye. I'm going to drown myself in sugar....
