Sick Again

I'm sorry I haven't written in awhile. Between being sick for the past two weeks and always seeming to be busy I just haven't gotten on. If any of you read my love's and mine co-authored blog book Curse of The Sea, sorry. Roger promised we'd submit a new chapter every Saturday, but its been about three weeks. We do plan on updating soon, but this weekend we're booked.

Yes as the title says I was sick yet again. This time it wasn't just me but also Roger, his brother and sister, and his grandmother. But of course I stayed sick after the rest was getting over it and missed my grandmother's birthday because of it.

Roger is still slightly sick, but we're guessing it's because he got sick after everyone else.

I really don't have anything else to say so I'm going to say good bye and go work on getting some scholarships. Bye everyone.

P.S, Thanks Kio for all the good advice!

Wish it was easier to give up

I'm not going to give up, because its to hard the way that I am. But right now I wish I could. I wish I could say fuck it to everything.

Haven't slept all night. Why? Pain. I was fine most the time at my friend's campfire party. Was actually really tired there to. Got home couldn't sleep. About 2:30 started shacking, having pains, and hyperventilating. Can't go to the hospital, I'm already in debt. Pain killers aren't helping.

If you can't tell I'm snippy right now.

Been watching my love sleep most the night. Wish I could. He looked so peaceful till I woke him up. I feel so selfish now. I don't understand why he isn't mad at me for waking him up. Feel like the world hates me. I thought I was getting better. Thought that things were going to get better. My love made it feel that way...

Nope... It was just waiting for me to lower my guard. Hate this. I feel so pissy right now and I know it is not rational at all. Just tired and in pain.

Does any of this even make sense? It does in my head.... I think.....

Don't know what else to write. My love is reading over my shoulder so I guess it doesn't matter anyways. Seeming I don't have private thoughts I wrote all this here. Don't have a dairy or journal now a days. Everyone would just read those anyways... Any how bye. I'm going to drown myself in sugar....

Growing Up Craziness

As I've stated before I have been moved out of my mom's for a while now. But I have been living with my love and his mom, grandma, and his two younger siblings. Me and him share a room big enough to fit a young child comfortably. I have all my things from my mom's (which could fill a house on their own) plus some of his things, a large desk, a vanity, a dresser, a bookshelf, and about 5+ medium to large boxes. So we have been looking for a nice place to move into to finally finish the "coming of age" transition.

Now I have been looking like crazy but here are the facts. My love works at Denny's part-time and is going to college full-time. I am currently unemployed due to medical reasons and frantically looking for a job that doesn't require heavy lifting or too much manual labor. When we move out I will have to take me cat back from my mom. I will be starting college full-time in the Fall. And on top of all this we don't have a car.

We decided we'll get a car last seeming it'll be cheaper to just ride bikes to and fro school and all. But seriously! If I know being even 18 was this much work I'd never want to grow up when I was little. "I'm going to be a farmer mommy!" Yay right. I can hardly afford one cat. And they take care of themselves for the most part.

Yep tis the life. I guess once we're finally on our own things will fall into place for me. Maybe then I'll remember why I couldn't wait to grow up.

Space & Time Travel

Sweet Goddess

Based off my gaia avatar 

Beach and Art

I actually forgot how much I love the beach. Me and Roger went there today and just got back. It feels nice to just relax and have fun. Usually when I go out somewhere I have to deal with my friends' drama. So now I think I'm going to go to the beach once a week with Roger just to unwind.

Of course from now on I'm going to pack food, an umbrella, and somethings to help me with sand sculptures. Maybe I'll post a few of my sculptures on here. Sound good? Anyways...

Other than just rambling about the beach I also want to post some more of my art below

Ain't it lovely. I did this while I was staying with my dad about a month ago. But I thought it'd be nice to get it up and seen again.

And now life begins

So yesterday was full of every emotion I can think of. I felt weird to be sitting on Cocoa High's football field listening to my classmates talk about high school life being over. I guess it just didn't hit me fully until I was holding that diploma and throwing my cap in the air.

My mom has been waiting for yesterday for a long time now, but when she saw me afterwards she said she wish she could take it back. Now I haven't lived with her for seven months now and I don't ask her for help that much, but I can tell she wasn't ready for the final string to be cut. I love my mom dearly and I know she worries about me. But hey I'm out of high school now and getting ready for the real life to begin. Me and my love are looking for our own car and planning on moving out of his mom's house soon. I'm looking for a new job and working on my physical therapy.

Time really doesn't wait, yesterday went by to fast. I'm no longer a senior or a little high schooler. I'm not the child I was yesterday, but I haven't really changed either. Life has continued and changed and begun again and I'm still the same. Except I'm not the me from yesterday and the past four years. Wow, it's really hitting me hard.